I’ll Pass On Adult Summer Camp

Posted on Jul 5 2016 - 12:43pm by Jackie

After endless Facebook photos of packed trunks and tearful goodbyes, everyone’s kids have finally gone off to summer camp. And I admit that sometimes, when I think about all the fun they’ll be having, I get a little jealous. I mean, is there anything better than summer camp? Those carefree days and nights completely devoted to playing and having good times with your best friends? Nope, nothing better.

So imagine my excitement when I found out that there are companies that now offer sleepaway camp for adults! Like legit sleepaway camp… while you’re adulting! They’re the real deal. Their ads tell you to come unplug and be a kid again. You trade in your gadgets and schedules for a week of fun and friendship with everything from campfires and hiking to color war. You bunk in a cabin in the mountains and everything!

And my first thought was, “YES PLEASE!”

And then my second thought was screw that! Who am I kidding? As a mom, I would hate summer camp. I would hate all of those things I loved as a kid. I had to face the reality that as a middle aged woman, I wasn’t cut out for that crap anymore.

Like first off, I’ve gotten used to having my space, and I don’t want to sleep that close to anyone unless they’re breast feeding or obligated to care for me when I’m old. If a stranger is snoring next to me, a view of the mountains won’t do jack to make me feel ok about it. And I don’t want to share a bathroom with you unless you share my last name.

And all that outdoor play? Nature hikes and capture the flag and climbing walls…. It all sounds like an awful lot of exercise to me. I think I’d like it if I could do each activity for about three minutes, but after that I just want to sit.

And the campfires and night time sing-alongs? I love that. But I love it like once every few months, or years… not every night for a week. Also, I hate mosquitos, and I won’t know if the hot dogs are organic. And to be perfectly honest, I’m pretty wiped after dinner. So I’d probably opt to get in my comfys and head off to my rickety cot before the stranger snoring next to me comes back.

And if I’m being honest, I think color war would give me major anxiety. I used to love it, but at this point if I had to compete all day at the risk of letting down half the camp, I’d need my therapist on speed dial to talk to me about managing negative thought patterns and reducing expectations on achievement.

Except those effing people in charge would have my phone.

So I think I’ll leave summer camp to the kids and hope they appreciate all the fun they’re having while they’re young. Because a camp where you actually do camp stuff is just not for this mama.

But if anyone hears about a sleepaway where you just sleep, I’m totally there.

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