How to build a snowman in 30 simple steps…

Posted on Feb 25 2016 - 4:52pm by Jackie

Winter is finally bearing down, and pretty soon a lot of moms will wake up to a cruel reality: a cancelled school day, a foot of snow outside and a house full of kids who expect to be entertained and fed all day.  And you know those little stinkers will want to play in the snow.  So if you have to play outside, you might as well know how to build a good sturdy snowman with your kids.  Here’s my guide to how to build a snowman with your children in 30 simple steps:

  1. Tell everyone to put on their heavy coats, boots, gloves and hats.
  2. Repeat this instruction 12 times in an increasingly loud voice using mild expletives.
  3. Explain to your children why they can’t wear spring coats in 20 degree weather even though they’re adamant that they’re not cold (mind you, inside your warm home).
  4. Search through closets for missing single hat, boot and glove for each child. Whisper things about your feelings toward snow under your breath.

Steps 5-8: Putting on everyone’s coats, boots and gloves while pulling over-excited children off each other.

  1. Bring the children into the garage to get shovels
  2. Break up brawl over who gets which shovel, while making extra sure that no shovels are used as weapons.
  3. Convince youngest child that a small yellow beach shovel is just as good as a regular one.
  4. Wonder why you have so many broken shovels in the garage.
  5. Finally start building snowman
  6. Calm hysterical child who’s older sibling has just pegged them in the ear with a snowball
  7. Scream empty threats at all children, even the one who got hit with the snowball, just because everything is pretty annoying by that point.
  8. Continue building snowman until it starts looking pretty good.
  9. Watch in horror as one child decides to tackle snowman and destroy effort so far. Proceed to calm hysterical children while making additional empty threats using less mild expletives.
  10. Rebuild destroyed portions of snowman and continue progress toward completion while being bombarded by demands for hot cocoa. Settle fight over who gets the first cup (did I even say I would make it?)
  11. Calm hysterical child who’s just had her hat ripped off her head.
  12. Settle massive fight over who gets to pat which portion of snow.
  13. Run between noses with crumpled tissues.
  14. Get yelled at by kid who got snow inside his boots. Because it’s your fault. Obviously.
  15. Watch same child make snow angels and then blame you again for snow in their clothing.
  16. Keep adding snow to all portions of snowman.
  17. Settle massive fight over who sticks the carrot nose on the face.
  18. Settle massive fight over who gets to place the eyes on the face.
  19. Settle massive fight over who gets to stick mouth on the face.
  20. Finally finish snowman as kids argue over his name.
  21. Look at your frozen hands and vow not to do this again for a while.
  22. Look at the excitement on their little faces and promise to do it again tomorrow.

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