You Know you Have a Preschooler When….

Posted on Dec 9 2015 - 9:24pm by Jackie

No matter how different our kids are, all of us parents seem to have similar experiences.  And while each phase in our children’s lives brings new joys and challenges for parents, I find that having a preschooler is particularly trying and humorous. So for anyone who currently has a preschooler or who has ever had a preschooler in the past, I present to you my top 20 list of ways you know you’re the parent of a preschooler.

  1. You have learned how to walk with 30 pounds of child attached to your right leg. You’ve become particularly adept at doing so on your way out of a classroom.
  2. You say the word “Stop” more times a day than you blink.
  3. At least half of the videos on your phone feature your child dancing.
  4. You have perfected the art of getting up mid meal to wipe someone’s butt and then returning to your meal, appetite fully intact.
  5. When you take off your child’s shoes, you’re usually braced for 3 pounds of sand to pour out.
  6. When your iPod shuffles you sometimes find yourself jogging to the soundtrack from Frozen.
  7. The last 4 times you went to the movies, Pixar was involved.
  8. Your kid never climbs onto a bed without first trying to jump on it.
  9. Your child simply cannot pass one of your empty shoes without putting his foot into it and then shouting “Mommy look” as he shuffles across the room.
  10. If you have a song stuck in your head, it’s probably sung by the Fresh Beat Band.
  11. You often start sentences with the words “Please don’t stick that in your ____” (nose, mouth, bellybutton, etc.)
  12. Your child has recently discovered that you have an actual first name and she thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world to call you by it.
  13. Your child can’t pass one of those big vats of bouncing balls in the supermarket without contorting their hands through the net (or dumping half their bodies inside of it) to get one out.
  14. If you’re a little bloated your kid asks you why you have a baby in your tummy.
  15. Your child thinks gum and soda are the most mysterious and rebellious of vices and he begs you for them.
  16. You’ve recently eaten pirate booty as a side dish with a meal because that’s the best carb you had in the house.
  17. You often experience the unpleasantness that is searching for the strap that goes between your kid’s legs after they have already attached themselves into the rest of their car seat. Nothing starts the morning off right like digging under your child’s butt.
  18. If your child spots a bowl of dum dums, they have very specific demand about which color they must have. No matter what time of day.
  19. When you take your child swimming, you get kicked in the groin and elbowed in the face more times than is probably healthy.
  20. Your child cannot physically walk between 2 adults and hold both of their hands without flinging their body into the air.

I know one day way too soon I’ll have no preschoolers left, and I’ll wish for these days again. Because for all of the craziness that this age brings, these are also the days when your child wouldn’t dream of getting dropped off without a kiss goodbye, no matter who was watching, the days when seeing you at the end of the day lit up her face and when even the cheapest little gift made his day. One day I’ll look back at this list and remember and smile.  And if I can’t find the list, I can always watch one of my 300 videos of my kids dancing.

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